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Here is chapter one of "Judy Dosh Saves the World"
Judy Dosh Saves
Chapter 1 - The Mirror
Judy Dosh stared at her reflection in the huge mirror doors of her wardrobe. The built-in robe with its mirrors was a recent addition to the bedroom and Judy tended to spend a lot of her time thinking and talking to herself in front of the mirrors. Thirty years ago we wouldn’t have had such large mirrors, she thought, and I wouldn’t have had to look at myself so much. She wondered if the great philosophers of the past used mirrors as creatively as she did? Did Plato even have a mirror? But I’m not a true philosopher she thought, just a deep thinker, maybe a reflective thinker, with or without a mirror.
Why are we so vulnerable? Are our egos really that vulnerable that we have to spend so much time protecting them? Can they even be protected? She actually thought her ego pretty healthy really, except when it came to men. She knew that men shouldn’t be a problem but they were. They were a problem when she had a man in her life and an even bigger problem when she didn’t. At the moment she was single and wished that she had a partner. A soul mate she could share her thoughts with. But at 33 she was beginning to despair of ever finding someone she could relate to and commit to. It really seemed to be getting harder out there to find the right person and the search for Mr Right often turned up some pretty dodgy characters.
At least she wasn’t alone. She had plenty of friends in the same position who formed an important network in her life. Every now and then someone would leave the group and get involved with one of the scarce males who appeared on the scene at far too infrequent intervals. Many of these romances seemed to end just as suddenly as they began, with the girlfriend returning to the network for support and commiserations. This comforting support was often given in return for a detailed account of the romance, and revelations and discussions about that particular male and how they related to everyone’s experience with men in general. And Judy had had her fair share of leaving the network for a trial romance, but certainly not as often as she would have liked. Why was that, she asked the mirror. The mirror didn’t answer.
She looked hard at the mirror, first at her eyes, she remembered that John had called them beautiful, and there was no doubting that in romantic times they had received their fair share of compliments. But at the moment they looked sad and tired. Her brief relationship with John had ended about 18 months previously but already seemed to be in some distant past. He never bothered to get to know her, thinking she was like all women and didn’t need to be experienced personally. I needed someone to believe in me she thought. And I’ve got to believe in myself. She’d have to ditch the comfort of the network and start searching for her own truth. Something real. Sometimes we seem to cut off the paths to our own happiness, she thought, just because it seems safer to be cynical and save ourselves rather than to get out there and become involved. She didn’t have a dramatic sense of herself, she never lived for the drama of a situation but rather for the truth she found in it or through it. And she knew now that she had to go in search of one 0f life’s big truths or risk being stuck permanently in the network. Her face frowned at her mirror image. Deep in thought she looked now at her mouth which seemed to have its own optimism, and more often than not was smiling, giving the impression of a happy countenance, even when she wasn’t particularly happy with life. You’re not fooling me, she muttered at her reflection and her mouth lit up immediately with an infectious smile.
Getting to know oneself takes a little bit of solitude, she thought, and that is what she needed right now, time away from the girls-club network. It would be difficult to arrange, you don’t get out of those things that easy, but I must, I need to think clearly. There’s got to be more to it all than this! I’m more than a girl in a network. I’m an individual and a mixture of many parts. I’m part psychologist, part philosopher and so many other parts! I love mankind, male and female! It’s not just the sex thing I’m looking for. Although it was also that she reflected. Her love life! At the moment - non-existent!
She allowed the towel to drop to the floor and stared hard at her completely naked image in the mirror. She was strong and muscular. Training for triathlon had seen to that, yet beyond the muscle definition she was completely feminine. Her breasts, small firm and pert and her muscular toned legs made her look much younger than her 33 years. An older woman in a girl’s body she thought. How weird! Still rather that than a young girl in an older women’s body. You saw plenty of those these days. Especially amongst girls who all too easily came to terms with being out-of-condition and overweight, rather than changing their lifestyles and doing something about it. She stretched upward her arms gracefully twisting, and then turning her back to the mirror she peered over her shoulder to try and view her back. She wondered if any of her lovers had ever bothered to look at her back. They were always in such a hurry she thought, silly buggers, they missed some of the best parts.
Her mind jerked back to the reality of her naked image in the mirror. First she had to get a bit more air and sun on her body. We’ve swung too much the other way. This was actually the case with many things in today’s world of change, but seemed especially true of our fear of sunlight. Surely a little sun and air has got to be better than none at all. Second she had to find someone to love her and her body. She hated the expectation that a woman needed a man, she needed a person. A person who could love her and understand her in return for her love and understanding. She turned again to have a last look at her front, and actually, she mused, it would be quite nice if that person who loved her and understood her turned out to be a man.